The day b4 thurs 12/8/04.....dear dear woke up frm his slp...guess he is still very sick...haiz....even i feel very sick too.....sianzation....
i slpt awhile more than woke up again abt an hr later....dear dear also woke up liao.....worried abt him man....geez....in my heart i cant wait to see him yet my fever is always on n off.....sobx..... finally din care much jus told him i gg over to see him after i bath n changed....he wanted mi to rest a while more b4 is set off but my heart is full of worries abt him hw to rest.....rushed over see him happily playing irc chatting wif ppl in such a ok mood.....i felt a sudden stab in my heart......passed him the panadol dat he needed n went straight to slp....but i was crying at 1 side......feeling so hurt dat he doesnt even care much except everything dat is on his com......am i always less impt than everything even a computer...he did came n sayang mi awhile and asked mi y i cried but......is nt i nv trusted him....is jus i nv have confidence in myself....everyday everynite he is right beside mi but i fear 1 day he might leave mi w/o any reasons.....i really dun hv much time to try make u love mi more.....but hopefully wat ever u say on dat day was true....nt jus wan to make mi change my mind abt death....but to let mi noe how much u love mi too.....precious moments nv last 4ever......who noes 1 day i might leave 1st.....n by den wat is left is jus memories of mi for u to nt to 4get mi....or who noes......
Yesterday friday morning 13/8/04 .....u looked even worse when u woke up....i noe u r nt feeling well at all....so i dare nt say a single word....even when u tok to mi in a bery loud tone....i bear wif it but nv wan to start any arguement cos it always happen when ever u r nt in the mood......i see u so sick i cant bear to say anything else in case i might provoke or offend u....but deep in my heart i feel pain seeing u so sick....afternoon u woke up....still seemed a bit bad mood dare nt say anything to u...jus carry on my slp cos i wasnt feeling well either....after a while u woke mi up saying wan go redhill den i say ok....all the while i din wan to say much jus hoping u can feel better....see ur usual self at the polyclinic n at the market during our late lunch makes mi feel better....n lesser worries....gone home after dat dear dear watch the movie "i robot"....where else i dun hv much mood in the movie for dat moment jus kept walking in n out of the room...dunno why too....kind of angry after i bought hor fan for dear dear....he said this stall nt nice....but i wasnt in the mood to walk a bit further up to buy frm another stall hoping he can understand....well i noe his temper jus dat cant understand y he cant be a bit more sensitive to how i feel......dats him whom i love i supposed.....
to love a person means to love him totally even his bad points as well as good points....but dear dear really treats mi well....the onli 1 who really cares for mi n loves mi n our baby (or babies....) so much.....worries is always there but hopefully we can try harder to make things work like wat u say b4.....hopefully i din regret making the choice nt to die on dat day.....hopefully u r the 1 for mi to support mi thru out this sticky moments....