Yesterday maybe is 1 night dat i will nv ever 4get...a night when my mentality broke down again...when i cant even think straight...when everything seems so unsmooth...when everything seems such a mess...
Sometimes ppl can be fustrated at times...but all depends on wat izzit abt...i get fustrated wif princess at all times...when she made mi angry i felt so tensed up...but after she smiled at mi wif those innocent eyes n the O shaped lips...dat cute face make my heart melts again...i learnt to control my temper n be more patient wif things...but being too patient end up i am giving in too much...did i?
i dun understand y dat a person can be so fed up so fustrated over some games n throw all his fuking temper all at mi...of course i noe him so well frm top to bottom...i noe whenever he is in bad mood u better siamz 1 side if nt quarrel can start anytime...i being bery patient wif him oredi jus as i treat the same wif princess (by the way princess's temper also wont lose to him too)...being too nice too patient giving in so much...allows u to climb over my head n take it for granted...i'm a human too...i got pride...i got mood swings too...i cant throw temper at any1 in this hse...i onli can bear wif it...keep cool at all times...dun think abt it so much...yet u left mi no choice...finally volcano had erupted...u left mi no choice...i felt like leaving everything behind except princess cos anything happen princess will follow me...u ask mi nt to...u said i noe ur temper de...yes i do noe ur temper...but i nv allow u once after another u kept doing the same thing...yes i looked happy everytime u came home...but wat is dat within it...fustration...anger...sadness...boreness...tired...sick...all kinds if combination of feelings...u nv noe...cos i wont wan u to noe...u get so stressed out at wrk...i would rather keep it to myself...but yet u r allowed to voice out ur fustration ur anger ur everything...how would i feel? wat words to describe it...miserable...suffering...torturing...painful...i am swallowing everything inside mi yet u can jus split it out at any1 u like...is dat fair?
Suddenly i felt so numb...moodless...speechless...my heart feels so cold...my mind is so empty nw...the onli thing i think of is wat happened on the 16th of july...i fear it will happen...i fear it will come true 1 day if u push mi too hard to the extreme limit...i cant breathe...i cant seems to think straight...everything is so messy n dunno to reorganise my thoughts in my brains...feels like digging my brains out n wash everything away...left nothing but onli memory abt my princess...dun feel like thinking abt anything anyone else...onli princess...
listening to the song i jus changed for my blog..."If tomorrow never comes...would she noe how much i love her....." i kept thinking abt my princess...if 1 day i am gone...will she remember mi? will she noe how much efforts i placed on her? how much love n care on her? or will i be treated in the same way as wat happen yest? i really love her so much...i will nv think of leaving her...but i feel like breaking down further more each day...i dunno how long can i hang on? i am trying very hard to be strong n stronger everyday...but things dun seems to be so easy 4 mi...maybe the fortune-teller is right...my life is full of ups n downs...i can nv sit back n enjoy life till i am gone...always got to face probs nw n den...i feel so miserable enuff le...i nv wan my princess to end up like mi...face the same things like mi...kept pushing myself to be strong to face probs...yet i dunno hw to carry on rite nw...so breathless...so cold...feels so empty rite nw...

I love my princess so much...so much...when she slp she looks so innocent...no worries no troubles...jus drink n slp n kpkb...dats my girl...hw i wish i am still a little baby under the care of my mum too...so free so relax no worries at all...suddenly felt so peaceful 2day...nv gossip online cos no mood...even i wan no one is ard today...all seems so busy for christmas...wat abt my christmas? staying at hm look after princess...wat else? same old stuff day after day day after day...buai sian meh? cfm sianz until nothing to say but wat to do?jus hope my christmas izzit like wat happen yest...den i can thk god for giving mi some peace...at last...jus wanna be alone wif my princess...nothing else...cant be bothered to think abt more stuff...too sick too tired too shag...too much of stress...too much of fustration inside mi cant let go...too much of anger no where to venger...too tensed up by everything...getting too much oredi till i cant breathe at all...wat else can i expect? no more pls...jus GIVE MI SOME PEACE!!!
(added at 7:11pm)