Jus quarrelled wif some BITCH online makes mi very very mad nw.....my mood is extremely bad right nw....super bad mood nw.....

haiz..... quite some time i nv wrote any blogs le....no mood to type too.....too busy wif wrk too busy wif my own stuff and too shag to do anything nw.....there been a alot of things gg on lately.....news abt my closest n dearest bro....makes my heart shattered into pieces.....my students' exam coming soon extra lessons extra stress....everyday seems like nt enuff slp de.....always so shag but feels its worth it for the sake of my dear dear n baby.....hopefully both wont let mi down in anyway.....

These Little Feet....



These little feet have learned to walk,
And now they've learned to run...
These little feet just love to dance,
They climb and have some fun...
These little feet don't want to rest,
They only want to play... continued
These little feet are busy feet,
They're on the go all day...

The Gift ....



I wonder if you ever dreamed…
About me and the world unrevealed
I wonder if you ever smiled…
Whenever I talk to you from the outside

I feel butterflies within…
Is that you that I am feeling?
I feel happy when you do that…
Now let’s see, what else do you have?

Every night I want to dream of you…
Hold your face and kiss you
Feel your soft skin and smell it…
Give you a hug and tickle your feet

That is real enough for me…
To see you in my dreams and hold you tenderly
However, I still can’t wait to see…
My precious little gift… my baby.

hee hee hee....time to write blogs for the past few days le.....lol....paiseh laa too lazy n tired to do so....kekeke
Monday.....shld be nothing much ba....after left dear dear workplace near by took bus home....got ready to go for lesson at 3pm....after that....received call frm colin...tot what happen to her or jerry....hurried to a nearby public phone jus to call her....end up she need help in editing her blog....ahhh pengz!!!went home....bath n get ready for the next lesson at 7pm plus....sms dear to go home himself 1st cos i will go home myself nt staying home tonite cos kind of miss him mah.... wah the bus ride damm long man....reach ard ten plus at dear dear hse nearby bus stop bought my dinner n hurried home....ended up he din ate his dinner n waited for mi the few hours....so poor thing....i asked him wat he wan i hurried down n get him food n drinks..... dear supposed to meet palmer to go jb pak petrol but saw mi buy makan le so cancelled maybe he too tired to go too ba....or he think i also tired dun wan go le....kekeke so sweet and rather cute to see his cute face look so innocent when he looked at mi jus nw like a little kitten when i asked him wat he wanna eat...
Tuesday..........supposed to have lesson at 3pm the parents wanna skip the lesson....so rest at home lor.....till 7pm got another lesson again.....new student -.-'''' sianz but still hv to work ma..... after that hurried home.....scared dear dear alone at hm sian....end up he is happily enjoying his chat online...kaoz.....huh! dun care him din tok to him much also... but he got come n di siao mi until i willing to tok to him..... tired le rest awhile till dear asked mi wake up eat drumstick dat his mum gave us....blurr blurr woke up eat lor.....sat there like a zombie....but saw dear toking online wif "those people" in dat stupid sex channel abt wat ever rubbish laa wat go chalet in oct laa got gangbang orgy laa wat ever shit...dear dear bery excited like dat but told them he wont be gg cos he gg for the sepang motogp next mth mah.....but felt insecured wondering if he would go meet them 1 day.....esp this sunday i wont be ard for him he say he might go fish farm alone.....who noes he might meet dat "kan mei mei armygurl" n his sex channel buddy "hermit" at jurong area ba....i was in a confusion of trusting or suspecting his acts thinking if i was wrong to think dat way cos i noe it well he wont be unfaithful to mi anyway y worry mah....cos he is wat i wanted dat why i love him dat much .....*shy shy* i shld learn to trust him even more......den suspect here n there ba....maybe pregnant le a bit feeling unsecure ba.....
Wednesday......2nd day dat dear dear tried to wake up early ....heee heee....good progress wor.....i got tuition lesson at 12pm ++ so went straight after reach dear wrkplace nearby bus stop....after that bery shag le....bought my lunch n went home straight....online chat wif my bro....surf the net n reorganised my work stuff a bit....waited till 7pm plus got ready to meet dear at motorworld.... dear dear bought some new vcds.....haiz asked mi him saved nv listen ....pengz!!!!....he ahhhhh..... we went home buy dinner at tiong bahru market....bought my fav chicken rice frm the stall which always closed by the time we reach le....rice many many 1....nice nice....kekeke.....reach home watch chinese vcd...bery funny comedy.... nt bad wor my dear taste of getting vcd still ok wor nv fail to get those good movies....dear dear online tok to those ppl again abt dat chalet thing he sounded so fed up cos he cant go den he looked at mi n i asked him (di siao him 1 laa but act angry) must go meh den he smile at mi n said " u think i real meh" of course laa if nt he wont be my dearest hubby of all le.....lol buai tan han le go rest 1st dear dear still play irc let him play ba....ard 4am den he slp ....haiz hope he can wake up tml lor.....

2day is sunday yet gt tuition man..sian ....feel like arranged wif the parents maybe 2 sunday i see the child den the other 2 sunday i can acc dear dear seeing him gg to fish farm alone or stay at home alone so sian ....so poor thing esp he off on sun ba....the parent sms mi last min change the time frm 2pm to 3pm even more sian man means i will reach home even later ahhhhhh......pengz.....sianz ahhhhhhhh
considered for awhile...decided to give myself a break sms the parents dat i aint coming cos aint feeling well either since the kid is tired too. after that told dear dear if he wan go fish farm i go wif him today...he asked if there is any admission fee for the fish exhibition at the fish farm we always go on the weekend....checked liao got den he said dun wan to liao lui so never go. he carry on wif his sleep. and i jus play n surf net for awhile den went down buy lunch for mi n dear dear. woke him up when i abt to eat my lunch 1st....he surf net n play gb.
he played n ate lunch liao felt a bit shagged went back to sleep again....me also....kekeke followed him to sleep till abt 8pm den wake up. went down buy dinner for both of us den stay home the whole night i watch him do his stuff online while i do a bit of my tuition work too. dats how we spent our weekend...boring but hardly we will get weekend to sit next to each other..hug each other longer while sleep...kekeke n acc him when he do his stuff....shld be the 1st sun since i start giving tuition....he seems happy to have mi ard too.

time to write blog again.....lets start wif fri....
things are as usual on fri...go teach tuition but 2 tuitions in a row si bei shag man...reach home ard 7pm..bath n nua abit to wait for dear dear to go home n chat wif mi....who noes colin called n asked if wan to join them at bedok 85...sian i wan dear to go home early cos i dun wan him keep eating out yet keep spending more money his cash flow gg to dry up sooner or later den wat ever i earn is to cover the rest of the month expenses....everyday eat out is expensive for us lor i rather cook at home better than eat out...
meet at bedok 85 wif peter n 1 more jerry frd they decided to go jb but started to tok abt gg where to meet up 1st. jerry was suggesting yishun dam but its definitely troublesome for dear to go cos further distance for him n he is running out of petrol. i rather he go straight in to meet them inside...he sent mi home n rush back home we chatted awhile den he went to jb wif them ard 1130pm...i decided to wait for him cos i worry abt him when he rides alone...he might tends to speed more mah ....waited till almost 3am den he reach home ask mi why i aint slping i said i wan see him reach home den slp...he hurry mi to slp early n he went to slp early too cos tml gt work ma....later on do my stuff awhile more i went to slp but cant slp cos kind of miss him oredi....
Saturday morning hv to wake up early for doc check up again....den reach home rest awhile onli went for tuition n reach home no time for rest cos sis wan go bedok interchange walk walk...acc her...dear dear called n ask if i am meeting him den i changed n get ready to go down who noes 1 after another bus is full man how to board the bus see liao si bei sianz hv to wait longer...totally mood ruined man....tired shag n hv to wait wait wait again....went pasir panjang to eat wif angel jerry they all....long time no see my mei angel le....chat awhile den set home to rest....i slpt bery early ard 12++ den follow by my dear also slpt ard 2++ surprised man he will slp so early keke....suddenly before he slpt he looked for my fav doggie to let mi hug to slp....keke so sweet wor....but i rather hug him..... think 2day he really wan to go n see the dragon exibition ba...

2day ma nothing to say ....off whole day dun wish to do anything except nua at home n do nothing....

2day thurs lor....need to write something again man.....hmmmm let mi recall wat happen on the past few days ba.....
tuesday's blog...to be continued i supposed...after my tuition at 3pm reach home abt 5pm rest awhile n get ready to go motorworld meet dear dear as usual....looking forward to see him soon cos monday was at my own hse...kind of miss him man.... reach there was thinking after his wrk we go ntuc shop for some groceries den i can cook dinner for him everyday if i'm home but unfortunately saw peter n jerry as well as colin my plans was sort of changed....thinking of buying groceries is to cut down the budget of him spending so much on our daily dinner as well as lunch on weekend...but since they were here den too bad lor....dear dear need to wrk late cos of a bike wif some prob after fixing the new tyres....jerry they all was unable to wait further longer so left 1st......i was feeling kind of paiseh n sorry dat they came down yet we couldnt make it to go wif them......but i wasnt totally mad wif dear dear for staying back to do the fixing jus dat find it weird for him to do all the mechanic work when the stuff wasn 't under the hands of his....why wasn't the culprit who spoilt the stuff stay back instead to solve the prob.....i was in extreme bad mood dat day too due to some arguement at home which dear dear wont even noe cos i seldom tell him abt it...i wasnt angry cos i waited so long n was starving or wat....i dun mind waiting but jus feel as a boss of the shop the person in charge should stop them and advise the owner of the bike to continue tml due to some factors the bike cant run properly....seems unfair to my dear dear in some ways....after dear was done he asked mi where they were...actually i dun even feel like gg down to meet them all but looking at dear face as if he wans to go can i say no? i feel dat no point we go down yet there is nothing to eat....might as well apologised n say we aint coming....but if he wan let him be den....i was too moody to say anything...reach the hawker....he asked mi y i black face along the whole journey...i started crying w/o any control yet immediately he lectured mi on the spot....i felt even worse....my mood was bad on dat day....n if he din look at mi in dat way i might nt break out in tears cos i couldnt control much more ...we quarrel over his wrk issue...he kept saying dat his wrk i shldnt worry abt....saying i shldnt bring this kind of unnecessary quarrels....but if he din give mi the glare do u think i will react in this way....i noe dear has a lot of stress he wouldnt tell mi cos he doesnt wan mi to worry due to i am expecting rite nw...but has he ever think dat i gt my own wrk stress, my own family stress, keep thinking abt the prob we facing soon yet we seem like we cant solve anything yet n time is running out soon....he doesnt like mi always in tears when his friends ard....but if i wasnt even feeling well or in the right state to control my mood would he understand is nt dat he din noe i am suffering frm serious depression b4 n yet to receive anymore further medication due to my savings r oredi gone....i cant carry on taking any medication to control my constant mood swings n nw i am expecting mood swings come n go easily n fast.....once under stress i couldnt control myself n this is nt the 1st time yet he couldnt understand yet blaming mi for embarrassing him in front of his friends....am i being placed in the 2nd position am i less impt than his friends?
i and him r of the same of kind when comes to prob solving we rather solve it alone individually....we dun like to stress each other abt it face each other daily wif a happy-go-lucky face n towards our frds yet deep inside us r probs non stop....but he is a better hider than mi he wont bring sadness in his face out when wif frds yet i am more of a serious case of depression i couldnt control my mood swings in time of breaking down anytime.....yet till nw he still dunno mi well enuff....i've seen wat he said to colin n jerry in msn logs....i felt extremely upset wif wat ever he said seems like he is pushing all the blames on mi thinking frds doesnt wan to hang out wif him becos of mi n my "tantrums" but its wasnt true....colin n jerry still hang out wif us cos this is our prob they wont care abt it either....yet he kept thinking i made him lose face lose his frds make him embarrass in front of frds....he think frds r more impt than mi....shldnt he think why i would react in this way.....in his mind i am brainless....i dunno hw to think....den hw abt himself....gg to be a dad soon...still playing ard in mirc or msn wif gals....nt aware i am angry or wat....did i say anything abt dat? i trusted him i gave him the freedom yet i dun like the idea of the way the gals "flirt tok" wif him.....but i nv complained much....wanted him to cut down on cig he couldnt partly to save more cash secondly is to avoid mi suffer frm heart attack again cos i been breathing in 2nd hand smoke which is no diff of being a smoker myself.....he din noe too...he seem nt worry abt the cash flow yet i keep thinking abt it....he can ask himself end of month how much he left? i bearly eat much during lunch but i wont starve myself too trying all kind of ways to save yet he didnt show any progress....i cant even bring out the fact to him dat i am totally broke w/o anymore savings becos of him....i owe my doctors money cos i doesnt hv the cash to pay them back for the hosiptal bills....i owe my own sister money till she is also broke nw cos no job as well as to cover my mum side of medi bills...i owe others money does he noes dat....jus becos end of month we cant even survive thru hw to survive thru when we got this bb....this is all my stress yet did he ever sit down and ask mi why? he will jus feed his fish , play his mirc fooling stuff...play his game...yet i nv wan him worry....hw much diff of stress i hv compare to his....equal or more? i oredi broke down long ago he din even aware of this yet pushing the blame i did all these to embarrass him....if dats is so....den i can jus shut my mouth frm 2day onwards dun speak a single word dun hang out wif "his frds" dun even go out wif him for outings....i stay home n be a dummy n wait to give birth till more probs come later den ....if dats wat he wan....i can do it anyway....
i really dunno wat to do right nw....or to say wat to him....jus being quiet nt saying a word...no complains no grumbiness infront of him....no black face no tantrums no nothing....wan it this way we suits him....i got no say.....cos i dunno wat to say....jus like yesterday i reach home do my stuff slp woke up prep to go over waited for him n nt a single word came out frm my mouth yet he keep wanting mi to tok....i onli feel like lying on the bed slp n do nothing for the whole week thru or months or years....cos i'm too sick physically n mentally......